Wednesday, March 12, 2014

A Bit More Then I Can Chew

I don't even remember the last time I posted, but I was compelled to tonight after reading the 3rd message in a week wondering if were OK.  We are, and I am thankful to know that there are people out there you think of me and Juanito.
I know I posted about finding another on-line job, writing.  Here's a secret:  If you read a lot of on-line articles you may be reading something from me and not even know it.  I was hired by a company late last year and it has been a bit more than I can handle.  So much so that I have obviously had to neglect my favorite writing just to keep up.  To give you an idea, I write anywhere from 50 to 70 350 to 500 word articles a week.  I am sure now you can understand why blogging is the last thing on my mind.
So to get up to speed:
The end of last year was absolutely fantastic.  I got to meet some new friends in person.  We had a turkey dinner complete with all of the fixings sometime before Christmas, where a new friend, T, and her family were able to join C and her family along with Juani and I.  The food of course was good, but the company even better.
The following week I got to meet yet another gringa in El Salvador live, A. It was a pleasure to get to hang out for a moment and chill with English speaking people over the age of 10.
So thank you both T and A, I need to catch up with both of you again soon.
That was the highlight of the holidays for me.  
I turned 41 in January and Juanito started 4th grade.  We still have all of our pets and have added a parrot to the mix who greets me every morning with buenos, hola chiquito.  It's pretty cool.  People tell me my son is getting fat, which warms my heart since I can see the fruits of my labor on my sons stomach.  Ice cream is made when I have the time, and will go fast when I tell people I have it.  I only cater to a select group of people which works out well for me.  On occasion they will make a special request, usually horchata, which I am happy to fulfill.
What else?  Lets see... I finally bought new glasses. The doctor was even appalled at how horrible my old ones were and that is by ES standards, so you can only imagine how bad they were.  I have been blind since I was 9, but this was the first eye exam I have ever had that took less than 10 minutes.  It didn't occur to me until I sat down in the chair that not really knowing the Spanish alphabet was going to be a problem, but I muddled through and can once again see clearly.
School has its ups and downs.  We seem to be doing better academically, but struggle socially.  Like come on already kids, he has been in your class for 3 years.  Yes he is white and yes he has freckles.  Get over it and leave him alone.  I explain that it is jealousy because he is too cute, but he doesn't care.
In Juan news:
Not much new to report there. He has brought the twins to our house once, right after Christmas but never again.  He is still here, but between his crazy work schedule coupled with spending time with those kids and my jobs we don't interact much.  Which is better all around.  Let him figure his own shit out while I grow the courage to move on.  There have been a couple of bus incidents with the whore since school started.  My favorite being where I started to get on one, saw she was there and very loudly declared that I don't ride with prostitutes before stepping off.  I am sure she got some great boo hoo mileage from that with my husband but as far as I am concerned, she can have him.  The last time I was already on the bus when she got on behind me.  I just continued chatting with my friend while she seethed in her seat.  She still has no balls to come at me face to face and I thank God everyday that she lost my number.
The election:
Well isn't this an interesting turn of events?  I am happy at who has been declared the winner, for now anyway, but do have to admit that it really is too close to call.  I know that this already was a run-off but with a less then 7000 person difference out of 3 million votes?  That is like a box of votes that someone missed during the count.  It would be better to just do the whole thing over.  And yes, they do a manual count here.  Which is crazy to me.  They were actually showing the people on the news pulling the ballots out of boxes and counting them, one by one.  Maybe instead of sending more troops to places that don't really want help from the U.S., they could spend that money helping countries like this one invest in some electronic voting booths.  At least then there is no worries about someone burning a box of ballots out of spite. Just a thought.
Well that sums it up for now. I make no promises about when I will post again.  But if you find yourself reading an article on line and feel like the language is a bit like mine, well you never know.  It just may be me.

Thanks again for all the thoughts sent my way.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Wait And See

I don't like to tell a story that has no ending, so I have been holding back for a couple of months now waiting for something to resolve, yet as I suspected there is no resolution because it was all a load of bullshit to begin with.  I had to put a halt on the ice-cream for a little while as we waited to see....
I was hanging laundry while I thought Juan was asleep when I started to hear him yelling from behind the door.  What I could make out was basically a lot of cursing and telling someone that this is what they get for bullshitting in the street.  And then he left, but not before telling me to stay in the house.
Less then a minute later he was calling, asking me to write down the license plate number of a car that was parked in front of my neighbors.  As I am not one to participate in drama I just did it, no questions asked.
30 minutes later and I am settling down to work when he comes back totally frazzled.  He needs me to go with him to the police station, more specifically the detective station.  It was on the way there that I got to hear the nonsense.
The prostitute had gone to centro that morning with one of her kids, leaving the babies and her oldest with a sitter.  Supposedly 2 guys went to the house while she was gone and demanded rent.  This has never been confirmed.  On top of that she got a call for 200 dollars or the babies would die.  So of course she called her knight in shining armor who just happens to be married to me, he went, got her, took the phone and called back the number.  The guy who answered told him that he knew who he was, that he did not live with the bitch, but had a white little boy.  He also said that if the rent was not paid he was going to kill the bitch and all of her kids.  There was never any mention of me, or my house.  Funny how they had so much information but never mention of the wife.
So what you do in this situation is give that phone chip to the police who will wait for them to call back.  Meanwhile they attempt to find out who the owner is and where the call originated from. In this case the call came from an area very close to where the whore was when she got the call.  What a coincidence.
But to be safe, I was told to lay low and show no signs of a business in the house. Ok, whateves.
Now, a few things to note:  4 days before said call, a friend of a friend of my in-laws had told the whore that my brother-in-law makes a lot of money in the U.S.  Not true.  And when you think about this, you have to wonder why would they demand rent from a lazy piece of shit who has to beg money from my husband to buy toilet paper.  She can not even wipe her own ass, where would she get 200 bucks.
The third is the failure to mention me or the house.  My woman instinct tells me that this was a "see, I am in danger" story.  If I were to be brought into it, then there would be an obligation to protect me, as if, as well as her.  So keep the focus only on the whore, her house and her kids.  Does not wash with me since everyone and their mother knows who I am and who Juan lives with.  If it were for real, they would have gone after the gringa with the money tree, not the slut without her own pot to piss in.  And as I assumed, the police never got another call.

Easing back on the ice cream was easy as I am swamped with my sales job and nighttime writing gig.  I would like to go back in January, but only with horchata. That was my biggest hit anyway.  I have decided to table the cow idea for now and use the money I have put aside to invest in a new computer.  I can make more with my brains and the internet in a day then I would in a month selling ice-cream.  I just love the idea, so want to continue it on a small scale.
And speaking of ice-cream, there is big news coming from my side of the Lempa.  The Don Juan in San Miguel now carries Ben & Jerry's.  Bought some last night and am looking forward to vegging out later today to a crappy movie and a pint.  My son has yet to understand why I squealed for joy in the middle of the crowded store, but he will, he will. If I feel like sharing.

Thursday, December 19, 2013


Oh my, how time flies.  I feel terrible that I have fallen so behind with all my posts and there is so much to share.  I am pounding this out fast because I found it hilarious and, well, I don't think anyone here in sunny El Salvador will get the joke.
To start, I signed Juani up for karate classes.  Free, 1 hour classes 3 times a week.  I always liked the discipline that karate instills and I think it works well towards building self esteem, a good tool for a young guy to have when he has to battle peer pressure.
So today was the last day of the free classes and they had this whole big presentation, given by all the kids that had participated in the various programs offered.  So as Juanito's class is showing off the moves they learned they decided to play some music.

The irony slayed me as I watched the kids demonstrating their newly found discipline to one of the worlds best known anarchy anthems.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Sunday Juani Day

Well, at least in one aspect my son has some of my genes.  Not math, but reading and writing.  I think he has been watching me with all these different writing projects the last few weeks and decided to try it out on his own.  He also asked me to buy him a book about legends in El Salvador.  So he wrote about 5 different stories.  I thought it might be fun to dedicate Sunday posts to Juanito.  I will do my best with a translation at the bottom:

                                         EL ASTRONAUTA FANTASMA                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

dicen que el astronauta fantasma aparece en el espacio a los astronautas y dicen que era un astronauta que murio y se  comvirtio en fantasma y tiene su traje y su craneo flota igual que su traje y el caso mas sonado fue que les aparecio aun astronauta que fue al baño y vio al astronauta fantasma le aparecio y de adelante pasaban cosas raras hasta que aterrisaron el astronauta fatasma se retiro y fin y aqui su forma

The ghost astronaut. They say the ghost appears in space.  Astronauts  say he was an astronaut who died and converted to a  ghost and has his suit and skull floats like his costume and the most famous case was that it appeared to them in the the bathroom and saw the astronaut ghost appeared to him and later went weird stuff until the ghost left.  The end Here is how he looked
The picture he chose came from a game he was playing which is where I guess he got the idea.  Not the best, but I am sure that Kurt Vonnegut wasn't much better when he was only 9.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

What A Weekend

As I have already shared, I have been doing some writing on the side.  Ghost writing if you want to call it that.  I have a 30 article a week committment.  Same boring subject matter each week.  And I am a procrastinator so it was no surprise that Saturday morning I still had 17 articles to write, with a Sunday deadline.  I am up at the crack of dawn, anxious to get at least one article finished before a quick trip to centro, and then head back to finish at least another 8.  I figured 9 on Saturday, 8 on Sunday.  Pushing it, but apparently I write better under pressure.  First thing I do before getting started is check my email.  There is something from my boss about needing other articles right away.  So I get in touch with him, he is in Europe already up for hours, and ask whats up.  12 articles ASAP of a completely different genre.  He will extend my deadline by 12 hours.
Now I blog for fun.  Keywords and SEO and all that mean little to nothing to me.  So even though these articles were easier to write in some ways, I have a hard time with working in the key words.  So I knocked out one, got dressed, ran to centro, did my shopping ran home and back to work.  With a few breaks here and there, my eyes start to hurt, I was more than halfway finished by 6 p.m.  Thats when I noticed that small clusters of people were assembling on my street.  Juanito and I went onto the corrider and saw that all of the neighbors kids, plus about 6 more, were also hanging out outside.  They called Juani over and explained that everyone was waiting for a parade to pass.  A parade that would be throwing out candies.
Our feria ended on Saturday, and the one in San Miguel began.  So floats from here had traveled there and were now on the way back.  Yippee. I left Juani with the kids and went back to work.  Problem is I am a nervous nellie and it was dark.  After the 5th time going outside to make sure no one had kidnapped him, I decided to just join the party.

 At this moment I had no idea where most of these kids came from.
The Clown.

Now I do not know much about how this works, but it seems that each of the floats was home to a queen of something.  For example, the police had one, the army had one, etc.  I tried to get shots of the more elaborate ones in the parade, but there really was a lot.

We, and by we I mean Juanito, myself and a dozen kids, ran with the parade as it headed up the street. The kids were in pursuit of the candy that was being hurled off of the floats, I was in pursuit of the float that was tossing bags of cooking oil.  Before I realized it, we were all the way up by the park and I had not bothered to lock the gate at home.  By now the only kid in my sight was Juani, so I grabbed him and we headed back home.  
I stopped first at the neighbors to make sure her kids had all made it. They had plus a handful of others.  I asked her what was going on and she explained that her servientes mother was in the hospital and no one was available to watch all her kids, so she had a bunch staying with her.  Knowing the limited space she already has in the house, I took 2 girls to spend the night in our house.  They were a delight.  I did notice though that the younger of the 2 had recently been strapped across the back.  Not a nice thing to see on a little girl.
And yes, by around 2 A.M. I had handed over all 12 of the extra articles.
Sunday morning was quiet and I got a little sleep and then back to my law articles.  I walked Juani over to a school friends house to play in the afternoon.  After an hour they were both back at my house.  We have more toys. Grandma was thrilled and I think I made a new friend of her.  Working working working on the articles.  By 8 I went back next door to get my girls for another night.  They were happy to come over and have some pancakes and watch TV with Juanito while I worked.  My favorite moment of the weekend was hearing the little girl singing as she took a shower.  Such joy from a baby who obviously has a hard life already.
About an hour after they left Monday morning, the little one was back.  She headed straight to Juanito and they started a game of Monopoly.  She was so good and they played so well together that I honestly can not say how long she was here.  I fed them both lunch before anyone from next door came to retrieve her.  I went back that night, but the kids had all gone home.  My neighbor and her husband and I discussed the poor manner in the way they are being raised.  I told them to go ahead and tell the mother to give me the 2.  I have the room.  I hope she goes for it. Apparently they have at least 10 kids in the house already.
An interesting, out of the ordinary weekend for us with kids galore. And yet I still finished my article quota.  I should get going on this weeks now, but here I am instead and when I finish this I am going to watch last weeks Grey's Anatomy episode.  Let's hear it for procrastinating.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Communion, The Girlfriend and the Toreado

The big event has finally come and gone.  Thank Goodness.  It was really stressing me out.  Get this, do that, it was almost like preparing for a wedding.  But my son has finally made his first communion.  And I have finally laid eyes on the mysterious Andrea, the young lady who has stolen his affections.

This is early on waiting in line to give confession.  When we first arrived I was relieved that all of the other boys were also wearing the bow tie as Juanito and I fought all morning about it.  
After the confession.  Apparently he needed to confess being mean to his mommy, not doing his school work and one other secret thing.  He gets a plastic rosary and tiny bible as a reward.
A teacher a nun and a priest all walk into a bar...  Just kidding, but thats who they are.
One of his best buds from school.  Its when I see him next to someone that I realize why they call him chelito.
The girls, all wearing the same dress.  The tiny one in the middle with the big teeth is the object of Juanitos affections and the giver of the tiny hearts I always find in his pockets.

Now the boys turn
Trying to get a better shot of the girlfriend so that you can see that she is the only young lady going against the wishes of the nun by wearing makeup.  She is on to me though and shooting Juani the evil eye.  Again, the little one to the right of the boy with the big head.

Lets hear it for the boys.
From here the ceremony commenced but we were asked to not take any more pictures.  The girlfriends father was in charge at this point of taking all photos and would be happy to sell them to any interested parent.  As if the communion hadn't already cost enough.  Interesting side note, girlfriends father is a frequent visitor to the restaurant where Juan works, and has been thrown out by him in the past for acting a fool while drunk.
We have the certificate, so I guess that makes it official.

The entire thing took place at the school which I thought was odd.  Why all the fuss if we weren't going to be at the big church in centro?  But it was still a complete mass and I actually almost fell over when I drifted off to sleep while standing up.  I hope no one noticed.

It's carnival time here in Gotera and of course that means that the bullfight, one of my favorite ES activities, is in town.  Plan was for me to take Juanito there tonight to celebrate.  My luck though some dumbass shot another dumbass over a seat Thursday night so the governement shut it down.  Carnival starts in San Miguel next week, so maybe I will take him to that one instead.  We have never been before, might be fun.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Snakes, Lizards and Suits

It seemed like a typical morning.  Juanito struggled to get out of bed.  I was trying to do a 100 things at once.  And then the sigh of relief as the school bus beeps its horn.  With a swift kiss, I send him out the gate.  But then the busdriver screams my name and tells me to be careful.  There is is culabra, or snake.  Where?  I am gripped in sudden fear, thoughts of a boa constrictor hanging from the rafters behind me.  He is pointing to the gate and as I step outside to take a closer look I see it:

 Now I am not one to scare easily, but I have seen my fair share of Discovery shows where a snake just darts out its head and bites the dumb guy who grabbed it.  So I opted for a stick, and yes the goal was death.  But as I hit him he just stuck his tongue out and slithered off into the garden.  When the bus came back drop off Juanito in the afternoon, all of its occupants where craned out the windows trying to see if they could see it.

Later that same day Mr. "Dont consider the consequences at all" brought home a lizard. Because I don't have enough work with the 2 dogs and a cat.  I don't mention the turtles because they require no work. I think this is an iguana, but who the hell knows, its green and its a reptile.
Juani is thrilled with his new pet and wants to put in on a leash.  I want to open the box while he is asleep and let it loose out front.  Maybe it will eat the snake.

Wednesday was an exciting day as we also got the package that my good friend C sent from the U.S. with the clothes I needed for Juanitos communion next week.  He hates dressing up so had great fun being funny for the camera.  It is perfect, just needs some hemming in the pants.

The communion is giving me a lot of stress.  I haven't been to one since my own back in the '70's.  Here they are requiring arm bands? and candles.  Really?  20 something kids are all going to walk in procession carrying lit candles?  I think I may to buy some type of flame retardent to douse Juanito in as well.

Can't wait to see what surprises await me today.